Human beings thrive on ritual. We need to have moments that anchor us. We need to have traditions and ritual to gather us together and give our life meaning. While it is true that dates like New Year's Day are in reality, randomly chosen -- why not celebrate March 2 instead? The concept of a "new" year is hopeful and full of promise. It reminds us that we can put the past behind and begin anew.
But how does one begin anew? The same bills are piled high on the desk. The same family members wander around your house. The same you looks back from the mirror in the morning…
We begin anew by taking stock and taking action.
Here is a little ritual I have performed twice a year for 22 years. I do this on the eve of my birthday and on New Year's Eve.
I find a nice quiet place away from the family and the noise. I light a candle or two, take out a writing pad and think about everything that has bothered, harassed, upset and disoriented me in the past. I let my mind go back as far as it wants to go, and I list all of it. The stupid things I have said or done, things people have said or done to hurt me or annoy me. Things I wish I could go back and do over. All the pain, all the upset, all the anger. I pour it all down onto the paper (it is important that you don't do this on a computer… they have looooooong memories and you don't want anyone to see this if it was accidentally auto-saved somewhere on your hard drive…).
When I have emptied my heart and mind onto the paper, I look at it for a second or two. First I ask myself "What are the lessons here?" I think about how I have changed since the events occurred. I try to find a silver lining in everything written there. I think about what I can do to make things right again.
Then I do a forgiveness exercise. I forgive myself first for being stupid, silly, thoughtless, rude, unkind, unloving… Then - I forgive all the people involved. Remember, forgiveness is about letting it go, not about letting people (or yourself) off the hook.
I have been performing this ritual since 1981. The first time there were 17 pages, single-spaced. Each year there have been fewer and fewer pages. That first year contained 30 years of pain. Since I have done this, I have managed to reconcile the painful memories and the unforgiveness significantly. There have been items that persisted - that would show up year after year. Those I took to a counselor or therapist and worked through them.
Because of this conscious effort to reconcile and deal with the pain, life has begun to make more sense. I also find that I am more compassionate, tolerant and kind because I continue to face my own demons in the process of working through this at least twice a year. When you tell the truth about your own shortcomings, it is a lot easier to forgive other people theirs.
The beauty of this ritual? When you are finished with the forgiveness part, you take the stack of papers out to your hibachi or barbecue grill and set that sucker on fire. Send it up in smoke and flames and let God take over from there. Enough! Move on.
NOW you are ready to decide where you might want to focus in the New Year for the New You. Think about a few of the lessons you learned in the process. Resolve to do better. Resolve to learn a few new things this year. Resolve to honor who you are and who you can become. Make those your resolutions and your life will truly begin to work.
Hey, the world needs healthy people! We need YOU healthy. Try this exercise, we will all be better off if you do!
Happy New Year! Happy New You!
Beth
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As you bundle up the holiday decorations, search around for the things you stuffed away 'til "after the holidays" and prepare your home for the new year… think about also preparing yourself for the new year.